Dear Self: Making Sense of the Relationship A Workbook for Reflection

Inside, you'll find:

• The Five Places to Look: a framework for examining Communication & Conflict, Trust & Honesty, Autonomy & Respect, Emotional Safety and Growth & Support; the areas where healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns tend to show up most clearly

• A dedicated section unpacking the difference between honesty and transparency, and why "they didn't tell me everything" and "they lied to me" are not the same experience

• Grounded, research-informed reflections drawing on the work of John and Julie Gottman, Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Sue Johnson, Arthur Aron, and David Schnarch

• Guided journaling prompts throughout, each paired with plain-language descriptions of what "healthy" and "unhealthy" can look like in that area, so you have language for what you actually experienced

• A "We-Ness: Bringing It Together" section for noticing whether decisions were made with awareness of "us," and how that shows up across every other pattern

• A closing reflection connecting what surfaced across the workbook, plus a gentle reminder that grief and shame may resurfac and that noticing a pattern in hindsight isn't evidence you did something wrong

This workbook is designed for reflection around why a relationship ended. It is not for identifying or addressing domestic violence. If your relationship involved physical violence, threats, intimidation, or ongoing fear for your safety, it directs you toward domestic violence support services rather than working through the material alone. It can be used independently or alongside support from a therapist.

This workbook is a companion resource and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If what surfaces here feels like more than you want to hold alone, please reach out to a therapist or trusted support person.

By Carolyn Carrier, Carrier Counselling & Consulting